The Veil

I am a petty monster.

My ego is bigger than the world. ARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

why no press on

why no ask more

why no insist

#my angst can kill the world but not my ego

Overrated.

And over-hyped. That's what social media is for me. I am deeply perturbed that there is hardly any platforms for myself or really anyone to truly voice their feelings and thoughts in an advanced society such as ours. Does advancement and evolution mean a need to sacrifice privacy? Obviously, I understand there are still ways to go about this so don't wage a verbal war on me.

But well, my bone of dissent isn't really with the social media. I am just pissed.

Damnit.

你问我爱你有多深。。

Regression

I have regressed. I feel that in my bones. I came to this conclusion when i was standing over the toilet bowl this morning. No, i wasn't peeing. Just thinking. And looking at the square tiles plastered onto the wall, i saw a shared, common similarity. The progression made over the recent years.. Is it not unlike the square tiles plastered over the old, wrinkled wall? Yes the tiles are pristine white, pleasant looking, at least more more so compared to the hidden interior. Is the progression just a facade? Can it be torn off or worn out to reveal the ugly character flaws once more?

I shuddered at the thought of that. The entirety of it all is just depressing. Lying on my parents' bed, my mind wandered off as usual. I imagined the churning sound of the computer as my thoughts start to gather. The pool of random considerations only seems to make more ripples, not sense. So with a wave of the arm, i swept the unnecessary thought bubbles away.

Getting off the bed, I glanced at the tiles once again and muttered to myself, "Well, the wall of tiles seems pretty plastered eh? Let's keep it that way."

Mundane Monday.

Guess I am back.

Inspired? Maybe. There is really not any reason why I am back at Blogspot but if I have to pinpoint one - this is where everything began.

I miss many things. Or maybe just something. The thought has been swarming my head for days but i can't yet seem to figure out the missing puzzle. Although i do know that since the beginning of an unknown time, i have not been able to enjoy myself without a single ounce of guilt. Everytime i pick up a book to laze with on a sunny afternoon, that guilt hits me. It smacks me right in the face when i watch movies, when i do nothing or when i have fun. It is so frustrating and mind-boggling. So much so, i have decided i am at an impasse. I have hit a roadblock. It is impossible to be the old, cheery self once more. It is killing me. Slowly but surely.

The theory i have come up with is that maybe i feel like i let 2 years of precious minutes and seconds slipped through my careless fingers and maybe, maybe my subconscious is made up that i don't deserve to have any spare time. I should be fruitful and maximize the time I have, is that what you are telling me, Mr Innerman?

If it is not my inner self, it is someone else. People around me seem to be able to always find a way to remind me that time is not on my side. I may seem to be too hard on myself according to some but well, it is hard not to have that idea occupying my mind half the time when everyone you meet seems to say the same thing, no?

Truth is, I just want to be a careless and carefree teenager/ young adult. I want to spend my free time doing nothing. I want to spend my nights partying away. I want to spend my weekends playing and watching soccer. I want to lie on my bed and watch all the sitcoms in the world. I want to travel every few months. I am sick of being calculative about my future, my alternatives, my bank account and any thing that will distract others from the fact that i have a lot of catching up to do.

Fuck that shit.

I'm a firm believer of this.

You know who you are huh?
Haha.

I can't imagine and never ever want so many cameras in my face.
Insanity at its peak.

I love the hands of babies and children.
They are so soft and tiny.
Makes me feel as if they are so mold-able and yet at the same time so vulnerable.
You just want to be their protector at that very moment.

All relationships are spatial.

Yes, in case you have not noticed yet, relationships do take up space - literally and figuratively. They take up space in the heart, in our daily schedules, in our minds, in our vision, on the pavement we walk on, in the inbox, in our memory, in that little small box in our room. I have always been that kind of person who knows which friends to keep close to heart and who are the ones that i should not really be bothered with. Yeah, i know that came out rather mean but well, i can't really afford to waste any space right

So when Dr Bernard mentioned that in moving from level to level, we got to constantly look at the relationships in our intimate sphere, conclude if they are still or ever an influence in/on our life to ensure relational renewal in a bid to achieve longevity, it serves as a timely reminder. With an introspective eye on my life, I am thankful for the people i have in my intimate sphere.

No. Make that very, very appreciative.

I never needed smart or rich friends.
Just people who care.

Favorite photo of the day.

What a word.

Someone interpret this pic for me pls.
haha

Funny, this has been bugging me like a flu.

Oh no.

Tell me how?

Simple steps.
Not as easy to execute.

I hate movies which have sad endings.
Seriously.

I got to really learn this.

To be dependent is scary.
Or should one feel safe?

Its so easy to just see the smile and think everything else is perfect beneath the facade.
Don't really know which is the sadder of the two apples; the one that is fooled or the fool that is masked up.

But there is one thing i want to know more than anything else.

Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite.
Or simply, Kaka.

Arjen Robben.

Rofl.

"Twice we've stood beside each other at the alter, Rosie. Twice. And twice we got it wrong. I needed you to be there for my wedding day but i was too stupid to see that i needed you to be the reason for my wedding day."
- Where Rainbows End

I can stay here forever.
Almost.

Maybe.

Jamie: You don't know the first thing about being someone's friend.
Landon: I don't want to just be your friend.
Jamie: You don't know what you want.
Landon: Neither do you. Maybe you're just too scared that someone might actually want to be with you.
Jamie: And why would that scare me?
Landon: Because then you wouldn't be able to hide behind your books, or your frickin' telescope, or your faith. No, no, you know the real reason why you're scared? It's cause you wanna be with me too.

#A Walk To Remember

cuff me right now.

Reach out for me, please.

I need to take a real hot-air balloon.
Because I can't have my life fizzle out without being awesome.

I need to take a real train.

Because its incomparable.

Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.Red Sneakers.

Hmmm.

ROADTRIP! ROADTRIP! ROADTRIP!
Totally want it man.

I have never stopped trying.
But somehow the definition of 'better' just never stops changing.
Its hard to catch up.
But eventually... I will. (:

England is Singapore's national team, i swear.

She needs to be in Transformers 3 man.
Pls la.

Absent Hangover.

So i missed Beerfest Asia '10.
Shitts.

“Boys are like purses, you’re always gonna have that one boy that you’re always comfortable with and you know you’ll always kind of like. that’s your purse that you wear everywhere. Then you have that gorgeous bag that you want everyone to see you with, but the gorgeous bag is usually an asshole or costs a lot of money. Then you have those other purses that you really like, but you really don’t want to be seen with.”